Punched in the Face by Life

Tag: tragedy meets hope

• How does a Mother Breathe?

  Posted at 2:36 pm by tragedymeetshope, on September 26, 2017

  

  Or a father, a son, a brother or sister…a spouse, a friend.

  I know I live every day wondering how I’m breathing, but I am. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to face my life, my loss. But I do.

  My five year old daughter asks me when she is getting another grandmother. I panic. I’m quiet, I search for the right response, the one that won’t break my tiny daughter. The answer that will leave her with some hope, the answer that protects her. Quietly, I realize the only answer is an honest one because through truth we can begin to move forward.

  I cry, tears gently rolling down my face. My daughter asks me why my eyes are wet.

  Finally…I say, “you won’t get another grandmother and I won’t get another Mommy. But you know what honey, I just think about how much I love you.” And softly as she drifts to sleep she says, “mommy, I’ll think about how much I love you.”

  As an adult, I cannot comprehend death and dying. As an adult I face a child, the most important child in my life, my daughter. The love of my life, the life I created and I cannot find the words to comfort her…or quite honestly, myself. What is a mother supposed to do? I feel the immense pain of losing my mother and to simultaneously witness the pain of a young child and to watch a part of her innocence robbed, I wonder how I can make sense of it all. Should I even try? Because truth be told it’s an impossible task: to answer questions of life and death for a child that I cannot answer for myself. I grapple for answers, she grapples for answers. I feel a sense of hopelessness.  I suppose this is life, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Those words are not limited to marital vows, they span our life as children and as adults. All I can do in moments where we seek answers is to seek acceptance instead. Accepting our reality is not to say that we approve of it or like it but it’s our only chance if we want a chance to experience the best life’s got to offer and to survive the worst. Spiritually, philosophically, rationally…or in whatever way we, as a human being can.

  Posted in grief and loss, mindfulness and acceptance, loss of a mother, coping with loss, understanding loss, helping a child understand loss, pain, hope, tragedy, loss, moving toward peace | 0 Comments | Tagged Punched in the Face by Life, tragedy meets hope

• Finding Our Way Through Tragedy and Pain – Beginning the Journey by Letting Go of Searching for Understanding

  Posted at 2:53 am by tragedymeetshope, on September 26, 2017

  

  So, you are probably wondering…and the answer is yes, I have been punched in the face by life. Not just once or twice, but many times. My guess is that there are many other people out there like me and sometimes we all just need to feel like we are not alone. We search for a connection to others who are journeying through their own tragedy and to me, this connection between our own pain and that of others is the beginning of the way toward hope.

  So what’s this blog about? It’s about tragedy. But more importantly it’s about hope. Or maybe sometimes it will be more about tragedy, I’m not sure yet. All I know is that tragedy leaves us hurting badly and sometimes the only way to survive it is to connect to other’s hurting too. But my hope is that we find hope through exploring the depths of the human condition and the broken heart together. I write a lot, usually late at night because in the quiet darkness I can begin to process my own tragic events. Now I want to put my feelings out into the world, make sense of all the rantings of my heart.

  Understanding tragedy is not my goal because I’ve already come to the realization that we cannot in fact understand it. I strongly believe that the harder we try to understand tragedy, the deeper we fall into our pain. I do believe that we can explore our reaction to tragedy, we can look intently at our feelings about it, and ultimately we can find a way to move through it. At least a lot of the time. And well, the times we cannot we can allow ourselves permission to feel it deeply through indulgence in the pain and the horror that life sometimes brings. We can allow ourselves to connect to our pain and to connect to others that move alongside us holding a pain of their own. We can indulge our thoughts and feelings. BUT we cannot do this forever, we cannot become addicted to our pain nor to the story of our tragedy. We must find a way to allow ourselves to move through it and to live the life we are left with.

  The bereaved, the broken-hearted, those of us who endure tragedy will never escape it, will never forget it.  The sooner we accept this and allow the circumstances to become a part of our story as a human being we can once again begin to become a part of the life that exists in front of us. We can become a part of the other side, the place where good things happen, where we feel and experience life, love, and happiness. Make no mistake, I do not believe this will get rid of or make the pain go away; it will allow us to begin to embrace it as a piece of who we are, because that’s the only person we’ve got.

  I have not gotten to this place nor do I, or anyone I know, live there permanently. But I will try every day to get to this place where my pain and my joy can coexist. I will try as many times as I need to get back to that place. Some days it will be harder, sometimes I won’t have to try at all. But I am determined to explore matters of tragedy and hope and get as close to possible to the place where my past, my present, and my future can live in harmony.

  Posted in pain, hope, tragedy, loss, moving toward peace, Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged tragedy meets hope

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